2 posts tagged “love”

I love poetry.  I write poetry.  I realize this may not be common knowledge.

One of the most incredible poets I've ever read is Pablo Neruda.  His meter is impeccable (truly) and he speaks of love in the most painfully honest ways.  There is this one poem that I read from time to time, whenever I'm feeling helpless and loveless.  It captures the circuitous route all love seems to take, close and then far away, apart and together simultaneously, hopeless and ridiculously optimistic all at once.

Here is the Spanish for those who can:  (translation to follow)

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: "La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos."

El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.

En las noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.

Oir la noche inmensa, más inmensa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.

Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche esta estrellada y ella no está conmigo.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.

De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Aunque este sea el ultimo dolor que ella me causa,
y estos sean los ultimos versos que yo le escribo.

In English (translation my own- I realize it's not impeccable or professional, but...):

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write, for example: "the night is starry
They tremble, blue, their bodies far away."

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest lines tonight
I once desired her, and sometimes she wanted me

On nights like this I would hold her in my arms
I would kiss her so often under the infinite sky

She desired me, and sometimes I wanted her
How could I not have loved those big fine eyes?

I can write the saddest lines tonight
I think I no longer have her.  I feel as if I've lost her.

I hear the immense night, more immense without her.
The verse falls to the soul like rain to the pasture.

How much that my love could not keep her
The night is full of stars and she is not with me

That is all.  In the distance someone sings-  Far away.
My soul can not be contended since I lost her.

How I sought to bring her near, my dear one,
My heart I looked, and she is not with me

It is the same night that whitened the same trees,
Yet we, of then, are no longer the same we.

I no longer desire her, it is certain, yet I want her
My voice searches out the wind to touch her ear

Another, it is of another, like before my kisses
Her voice, her pure body, her infinite eyes.

I no longer care for her, it is certain, but I want her
Love happens quickly, and forgetting is so long.

On nights such as this I took her in my arms,
my soul cannot content itself with her gone.

And thus that is the last pain that she causes me,
And those are the last verses I will write.

    I've heard two differing viewpoints on the subject of love and sense of self.  The first view seems to be that to truly love someone you need to lose your sense of self.  The second is that in order to love you have to love your self first.  The question I ask myself is which one is right, or are they both?
    Let me explain.
    Christian teaching says that true love means giving of your whole self- which seems to me to imply a sense of self in that I can't give my heart, soul, and mind to someone if I don't know what they are.  But Christian teaching also says to give selflessly, to your last copper coin, with no expectation of return.  Give of your whole self to the point that self no longer exists- depending on God alone to sustain you.  That kind of love takes a tremendous faith and will.  You have to really, truly believe that God is going to sustain you or it doesn't work.  I've seen people tithe (pay ten percent of their paycheck to their church or charity) when they've barely made enough money to "put food on their family" as our president so quaintly puts it.
    Side note: I've always joked that it truly is hard work to "put food on your family" as the family will squirm around and generally reject the idea of being rubbed down with pudding.
    So, back to my point:  I've seen people give selflessly and been amazed at how much they've gotten out of it.  There does seem to be a reward in that putting aside of self to love the world around you.
    Then, there's the argument that selflessness always ends in burn out.  Like Caretaker Exhaustion Syndrome (I may be wrong on the clinical term for that), which happens to people who care for terminally ill relatives or children with severe disabilities.  They give so selflessly that their body begins to demand self-care, and eventually they need to be hospitalized.  To avoid exhaustion, all they would have needed to do is put themselves first every once in a while and simply leave their position to recharge.
    So, should you love selflessly or love yourself before loving other people?  Which is honestly the right solution?
    Women who love husbands who don't love them in return are total wrecks.  Women who love children who don't express love in return seem miserable.  But, yet, I've seen women stay in relationships where they weren't loved, and continue to pour out love until the man came around.  If they'd simply left, they would have lost a whole lot.  A mother of a severely autistic child will swear that her child- who doesn't seem able to express emotion- does indeed express love for his mother.  So loving selflessly does seem to beget love.
    The best answer (for me) is that both things have merit.  I believe you should love out of a sense of self and do so selflessly on occasion.  I think that in order to put aside your self you've got to know what that self is.  From time to time you may realize that you don't have anything to give, and the truly loving thing to do is to take care of yourself in order to keep giving.  Just listen to your heart (and head) and try to go to sleep every night feeling like you're doing the right thing.